Y’all, I wish I could put into words how life giving and how heart wrenching foster care truly is.
I’m glad my husband and I chose to become foster parents. Had we not, we never would have met bubba, cared for him and been able to love on him the way we have.
However, the process of it all is incredibly heartbreaking. My heart breaks for the children lost in the system, for the corrupt attorneys who just want to win a case and for the birth parents who are struggling with addictions and hard times.
My heart breaks when I look at my sweet, innocent baby boy and think “I can’t protect you.” As a foster mother I have very few if any rights to a child in my care. Unfortunately the system views us as hotels and bus drivers. WE ARE SO MUCH MORE! We are true love, security, hope, we are parents! We wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers and sooth tears. We stop what we’re doing to cuddle and play. We do our best to reassure children that everything will be okay. We attend court, we rearrange our schedule for visits, we keep our house spotless for the unexpected home visit. We advocate and FIGHT for our kids future.
I wish I knew the answer. I wish I knew how to make the system better. I wish I knew how to change the goal from reunification to keeping the child’s heath and well being front and center.
For now I’ll keep pressing forward, fighting everyday for the boy I so desperately love. For his future, for his present, for his happiness. I will continue to put my trust in God. I pray everyday for his peace in our situation and for the end game to be His will.
I’m sure I will also continue to scream, cry and question humanity during this process as well. Because y’all, that’s the reality. Foster care is hard but having the knowledge that I’m doing the right thing, that I’m right where I’m suppose to be, that I’m showing God’s love, that I’m caring for innocent children, that’s worth it.
Thank you for saying this. I feel the same way. I can’t understand why reunification is the goal even if it means reunifying the children into an unhealthy environment. Social workers only see us as hotels and babysitters and give less than any respect to what we think is right for the children in our care. I can’t place Children Services on any type of pedestal because I have yet to have a worker who didn’t treat the child like a number, treat me as if I was less than valuable and who only concentrates on the wants of the bio family. I’m convinced that the reason there are so many older children left in the system is because the child’s needs aren’t put first. Fostering is excruciating because the foster care system is completely broken.
Thanks for sharing this! My husband and I are in the process of getting certified and I love your raw and honest words.
I love this post. My son (2) is currently in foster care. We are absolutely grateful for the foster parents because they have taken such great care of my baby. I can see they don’t do it for the money, they do it so they can give a child a home while the parents get their life straight. You are a great momma to bubba!! If reunification is not going to happen, then best of luck adopting him!! Everything happens for a reason!
I’m so glad to hear you’re grateful for your son’s foster parents. If foster parents and bio parents can have a good relationship that will be super beneficial for the child in the future. So many people to love on him for the rest of his life! Thank you for your kind words. I wish you well!
Lots of criticism of the foster system. But I respectfully disagree that foster parents are seen by the system as hotels and babysitters. WE are the system. WE are the ones who are needed and appreciated in maybe a smaller way than we’d like, but we do it anyway. There is much gratitude even if it’s not expressed. I think we are viewed more like lifelines. It’s sad to be needed. But the system is us, and no one in any system has power over our own perceptions.
I appreciate your comment! I have encountered great people who work in child protective services that are doing the best they can! I believe laws need to be changed so that the people who do have a say in permanency can do what they truly feel is right as far as the best interest for the children.
I’m not sure if you’ve answered this anywhere in a Video or on here but, will you be going through the adoption process for the little guy you are currently caring for?
If his case plan gets changed to adoption we will go through the adoption process. That is what we are currently praying for!
I have been with you since way back in the day. I have worked in childcare since 2013. During this time i have gone to school,done trainings, and my own research on child development. I even have my child enrolled in early intervention. Throughout this time i have learned that people forget that a child’s wellbeing goes beyond appearances. I have often questioned why some parents have children when they neglect or abuse them. Or why some children have to experience pain, loss, and even fear. Then i realized that god truly has a purpose for all of us. I truly believe in my heart that bubba ia very blessed to have a family that is advocating for his wellbeing and happiness above everything and anything. I also pray that you and your husband get all that you deserve, you are showing this boy what unconditional love really is.
I completely agree, foster care is soo hard and so heartbreaking. I’ve come to the point in our foster journey that I’ve given up on trying to figure out why the system works like it does. I’ve had to for my own sanity. I have to just focus on giving the kids that come through my home all the love, support and kindness I can. It’s all any of us can really do.
I’m lucky enough to have had some amazing social workers assigned to our cases, don’t get me wrong we’ve had some less than desirable ones but never any that made us feel like “babysitters or chauffeurs”. I feel so much heartache for other foster parents who are treated so poorly by workers and agencies just as I do for the kiddos who are caught in the middle.
Just know even when it doesn’t feel like it or it feels soo hard, you’re making such a difference in your kiddos life. There will be a point when you’re so angry at the system you ask yourself “why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through this heartbreak?” And you’ll look at your kiddo, you’ll remember kiddos past and think of all the future ones and remember it’s all for them. Everything we do as foster parents is for them.
*Happy National Foster Care Awareness Month*
I am so impressed and motivated by you!!! Praise Jesus!!!
You’re too kind, thank you!
I actually felt that post. Living as non-relative caregivers and the lack of any control we have over the child in our care is deplorable. We are their front line. We know their everyday. Their likes and dislikes. We miss boo boos. We are their structure and reassurance everyday. Most often they are just a number in the eyes of the system. The same system that gives the bio parents chances and assistance well beyond what they deserve. What about the child’s right to have a safe, Happy and healthy life? Love your blog!!!
Yes!! I so agree! We need to keep the kids safe. We need to do what’s best for them!