If you’re looking for a fancy, sugar coated version of the first day as a foster parent, this is not the post. Let’s me say it louder for the people in the back. THIS. IS. NOT. THE. POST!
We had two days to prepare for our first foster placement. We knew his age, race and diaper size. We were given a small amount of information about his background and the reason he was placed in foster care.
On August 9, 2018 my heart was bursting with excitement! The moment we’d been waiting for was finally here. We’d get to bring a baby home and pour all of our love into him. My husband took the day off from work and we impatiently paced our home until we received the call to pick him up that afternoon.
A family member that bubba was originally placed with handed him to me and my heart instantly felt so much sadness and sorrow. I was shocked by my own emotions! I thought I would be jumping for joy, instead I was mourning the loss this family member had to be feeling. I felt so much empathy for her. I cried the whole way home. Not small tears…BIG, ugly tears. Uncontrollable emotion.
When we arrived home and showed bubba around my emotions shifted back to excitement! We introduced him to our dog, Remmy and brought him into the nursery we’d spent months preparing for this exact moment. My heart felt full for a split second.
Once we got settled, we brought in bubba’s belongings. I suddenly started feeling overwhelmed by all of the new items entering our home. Bubba fed off my emotions and completely LOST IT! He cried for hours on end. I’m pretty sure he cried for a full 24 hours in total. I cried with him! I was crying because he was crying, he was crying because I was crying. It was insane! I couldn’t find anything that he needed. Diapers, wipes, formula, it was all over the place. I asked myself numerous times if I had made the right decision. Could I be a foster mom? Could I be at Mom at all? It was all new territory for me and it felt so scary! I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. We spent hours and hours in training to become foster parents but no amount of training could have prepared me for that first day.
After a few hours of crying and doubting myself, I remember telling my husband, “I can’t do this, call them and tell them to pick him up. We made a horrible mistake.” Thank God my husband had enough emotional strength for all three of us that day. I wouldn’t have survived without his reassurance that we were doing the right thing and we just needed time to get acquainted.
When I look back on that day now I laugh! I was so naïve and so unprepared. But is anyone ever really prepared to become a parent? I highly doubt it! We’re all just learning as we go. Making what we think is the right decision and trying our best each and everyday.
Foster parents, your first day will be hard, your first week will be hard, your first month will be hard. There is trauma involved, life changes involved, tears involved, but you ARE doing the right thing! You’re making a difference in your community, but most importantly in a child’s life. Don’t let the emotions scare you. You will find your rhythm and it will all be okay. You’ve got this, I believe in you!
Thank you so much for this post! My husband and I are kinship fostering and tomorrow, is placement day. We have never met this little baby…so we are very anxious but excited to finally meet him. We don’t know much about him and only had a few days to “prepare”. We also struggle with infertility and are excited to finally become parents to this baby…even if we have him for a short time. I’m sure tomorrow is going to be a tough one, emotionally and mentally – not just for us, but for little one as well. Thank you for being honest and sharing your personal first day experience as a foster mom. This post was very timely for me and is a great reminder that even though it will be hard, we are doing the right thing and making a difference for our little guy.
Today is the day! I hope the process is smooth for you all! You’re in my prayers! I’m so glad you found this post helpful. Your kind words made my day!